Be Brave! Be Very Brave!!

I had a profound moment of realization this morning that I wanted to share. This past Thursday, we took our two cherubs, ages 7 and 4, to view their (potentially) new private school for next year. It was a long process and there was much agonizing over switching them from their current schools to a new one, but ultimately, given their needs, we felt a smaller environment was better for them both.

The public school employee in me feels the need to add this Disclaimer: I have nothing against public schools, and I am fortunate to live near and work for fantastic districts with truly great public schools, so this post should in no way convey otherwise. Whew - conscious alleviated!

My 7 year old son has severe generalized anxiety disorder. I won’t go into details, and as a mother (try to hear this with love for the many well intentioned suggestions we have received), I would appreciate it if you not offer your suggestions on how he can overcome this. Trust me when I tell you, we’ve been there and we’ve done that. I digress. When my son opened his car door to go into his new school, he we visibly shaking but also working too hard to keep it together to make eye contact with me (what is it about making eye contact with our mothers that drops all of our protective guards against our emotions?). He continued to climb out of the car, despite his fear.

“I’m VERY uncomfortable”.
I started our usual calm down routine.
“Okay, take a deep breath”
“I tried that already and it didn’t work”. he hopped down from the car.
I placed a hand on his chest to stop him gently, placed another on his upper back to help him feel more grounded.
“Would Daddy and I EVER let anything happen to you?”.
He shook his head no,
“Would Daddy and I EVER take you some place where you might get hurt?”
He shook his head no.
“We love you SO much, buddy! Daddy and I will ALWAYS keep you safe.”
“I know, Mom”.
“I know you’re scared. I know you feel uncomfortable. I need you to trust me right now and just go in and take a look around. I promise we WON’T leave you”.
Still too afraid to talk, but willing to trust me, we walked to the doors of the school.

We went to my daughters class first. Like most 4 year old's, she was nervous. After a few minutes, she started to warm up. She didn’t want us to leave, but she was at least willing to look around. Her new teacher showed her their learning centers. My daughter loves Legos and playing in her kitchen, so I thought for sure that the Lego and kitchen stations would hook her in (I was wrong!). She saw all of the other kids working with crayons and scissors at their desk, and said “I need to color”. I swear I am not making this up - but I couldn’t have been more proud of her for conquering her fears with a mom approved coping strategy!

My son remained with us this entire time. After thirty minutes or so, he was ready to view his classroom. We walked in quietly, hoping to observe and not interrupt, but the welcoming nature of this school foiled our plan. The teacher introduced my son for the entire class to say hello to him. I should add this bit - there is nothing my son hates more than being the center of attention in a group of strangers. It’s like that dream we have all had about walking down a street or going to school naked while onlookers point and laugh. Truly, this scenario is my son’s version of hell. He was sheet white by this time and ducking behind Dad. The teacher, seeing his fear, asked if there was anyone else who was my son’s age. A little boy smiled excitedly and raised his hand. He had also been new a few months before, and he shared his experience. Before we new it, the student walked right up to my son and asked how many teeth he had lost. This is the primary topic of conversation amongst seven year olds. Turns out they had lost the same number of teeth and in the exact same places. Their first names started with the same letter. Then my son’s new friend dragged him over to the table where they were learning math. After that, my son asked us to leave (you could have picked up my husbands and my jaws off the floor!). I could tell he was still scared, but I have never been so proud of him in my life!

There is something truly brave about being so young, being asked to conquer your worst fears, and trusting the adults around you to keep you safe. It was then that I realized that the past years (yes years) of my life, have been steady lessons in bravery. I had not recognized them as such, but that’s exactly what they were. I’m not one to get super religious, but this morning, I realized the parallel between my sons life (having to be brave when you really want to hide) and my own life (being brave in the face or my own worst fears); having to trust a source of power higher than yourself (parents in my sons case - and God in mine). I realized during this profound moment, that no matter how scared I am feeling, no matter how much reassurance I need, there is always a source higher than myself that I can lean on, trust, and have faith that I am being led down the correct road, even if I can’t see beyond the next bend!

SO, my new motto for myself is: Be Brave! Be Very Brave!